What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 23.06.2025 06:40
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Has a psychic ever made a crazy prediction that turned out to be true?
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
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So, i spoilt her more .
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Was to survive, this bastard.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
What is your age now, and what age do you prefer to stay at forever?
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
So whats the point in blame.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
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She died at 55 of colon cancer.
She found it foreign!.
Im still living with it.
Why did i forgive my father ?
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
But it wasn’t much.
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Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
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And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
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And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
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So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I was 9 years of age.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
She married twice! .
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
But ive been too sick for many years..
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
My life is so biszare .
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
But, we were locked up after school.
I could never make a relationship work though!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
One cannot live in the past .
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I have no regrets .
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Who then, do I blame.?
I never cut or harmed myself..
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
He knew the spot.
(And it was in our own minds.)
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I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
On the 31st of Jan this month .
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Would this be the day?
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
And i lived it daily.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
My family never makes their pension either.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I don,t even have a pension.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Comes on , in middle age.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I said to her
I waited trembling.
Put me off passion for life!!
As i do to all so called friends.?
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I was very sick at this time too.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
She was in good health!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
We were not on the streets..
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
They are buried together, in the same grave..
It was going to be , some day.
What did i know ?
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I was scared of men, in general
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
We all went to grammer schools
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I will be 64.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
She loved him until the end.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I was seconnd youngest,
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Ive learnt so much.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
All the time i was locked up.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
When she asked me how she looked .
I know ,a lot about trauma.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
She wouldn,t have been !
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I think the readers, may guess!
He resisted the act ,that day.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Especially a lifetime of it.
I couldn’t, believe it.
This is soul school!.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I write beautiful poetry .
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor